Self consciousness a sin?

Tuesday, February 18

Self consciousness a sin?
Why yes, yes it is.

Let me explain with a rather embarrassing tale from my own life...

Last night, I walked into my son's room to put him down, nursing him in the pitch dark. As I sat down, rocking back and forth, my heart quaked with anxiety, a fast beating drum of fear.

rock...panic, rock...fear...{on repeat}

Why was I beating out fear's cadence? Well, that's a good question. Last year I started a small private IG mostly for family, AND to test the waters and see if I wanted to be back in this sphere. When I started blogging again this January, I thought I might want to have a separate IG for my blog stuff (which would leave me with two IG accounts). Well, it's only been a month and I've quickly realized having two accounts not only stresses me out, but results in more time on my phone which is not ideal to my values.

So a few days ago, I decided to transition everything over from the blog account back to the old one.

And at the click of the button, I became self conscious.
Would people make the switch and come follow my old account?
If they didn't, why not?
Had I done something to offend them?
...and on and on it went.

The anxiety so thick you could have plastered a house with it.

Here was the remedy...
1) Pinpoint my emotion...self consciousness
2) Label self consciousness for what it is...a sin
3) Repent of focusing on self
4) Draw inward to focus on Christ, the center of our life
5) Be transformed by HIS LOVE

Ever heard self consciousness called a sin? I hadn't, and was rather accosted by the notion when I read a small footnote in one of my favorite books "The Calvary Road" by Roy Hession.

Roy writes, " Some may be inclined to question whether it is right to call such things as self-consciousness, reserve and fear, sins....If these things are not sins, then we must put up with them for the rest of our lives; there is no deliverance. But if these and other things like them are indeed sins, then there is a fountain for sin, and we may experience cleansing and deliverance from them, if we put them immediately under His precious blood, the moment we are conscious of them."

You see, anything that beckons us to focus on self becomes a hinderance to the freedom God has for us.

Self is a liar...Romans says no good thing comes from self.
Too often, self has told me stories that are untrue...narratives that keep me focused on self, in a perpetual circle of lies and shame.

I was SO focused on ME.
So lasered in on the nuances of myself and how people responded to ME
that it took me so far away from my far away from Jesus

So...I took a breath in,
repented of my self consciousness,
and invited Christ to center me.

I pictured myself leaving all the external things of self and traveling inward to sit with Christ, the center of my life. I just sat there, envisioning being enveloped by his presence.
Just basking in his goodness and glory.

And when I abandoned myself and any importance I felt I had,
I became free.
Releasing self is counter intuitive to our culture,
but it is where we find the state our soul was created for.

I sat in the dark, holding my Ever babe, and ladies...

The anxiety vanished.
Peace was restored.

My reputation didn't matter
and my expectations diminished.

Friends, self consciousness is a sin.
But thanks be to God that we can leave self at the door, and walk into a room filled with his glory. 

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