love in the light

last week, Kevin and I were house sitting for some dear friends. 

The minute I saw their window seat drenched heavily in the rays of sun,

I was mesmerized by the light. 

Light poured into this space all day, so inviting and pure. 

All I wanted to do was curl up, read a  book, and just soak myself in the light. 

So enraptured was I, that I even finagled my sweet husband to do a little shoot with me…lucky him (haha!) 

In the aftermath, as I sat looking at the pictures 

a phrase so powerful kept running through my mind…

that love in the light, is the best kind of love. 

love needs light. 

light that uncovers our darkest secrets so that they are out in the open and free to be dealt with. 

light that exposes our sin, and brings it to the forefront to be redeemed.

light that calls out our unhealthy thought patterns and forces them to be renewed. 

no relationship can thrive in the dark. 

when Kevin and I first started dating, we faced some serious storms at sea, 

where the darkness of our past had to be unearthed in order for our ship to keep sailing. 

we had to admit our failures. 

we had to own up to our past. 

and there were a lot of tears involved. a lot of hurt feelings. a suitcase full of disappointment. 

and yet, when we turned over the baggage of our darkness,

and let it sit in the light, all awkward, and bare and vulnerable, 

it soon became a thing of beauty as Kevin and I resolved to go forward together,

in a radiant step to live and love in the open. 

to be transparent, 

to be authentic,

to be real and honest and vulnerable. 

to be the secret keepers,

the lovers and pray-ers and guardians of one another.  

and where there is light, there can be no darkness at all. 

yes, i'm convinced love in the light is where the joy is at. 

Thank you Jesus, that you are the light of the world. 

and in you there is always enough light to cover us. 

Happy Valentines Day friends,

love Katie (& Kevin too!) 

{aaannnndddd, let's face it…most the time we look like this below…}

forgiveness...learning to walk in the light {what God taught me in Nepal}

{via}

Nepal taught me many things. 

Like how to cook a meal in the pitch black dark of night, 

how to wrap a sari so that you don't flash the whole free world, 

or even how to catch every parasite on the planet. 

Very useful things like that that i'm sure I will carry with me all my live-long days.  

But what I didn't quite expect while in Nepal, 

was for God to really come at me hard core and give my heart some CPR. 

Because boy, I needed it. 

Before I left for Nepal, I prayed that God would make me different. 

I heard him speak the word metamorphosis over me, 

which basically means to be transformed, 

have a marked change, 

become a new creature. 

After I got over my weird connotation to that word which involved grass hoppers and other insects

 shedding their skin to become something new (ummm...gross), 

I yearned for God to make me better and I was down to let the business of metamorphosis happen. 

However that...um....might take place. 

Now let me tell you a secret about myself. 

I'm a sensitive person. 

I take things personally. 

And I sometimes internalize situations the wrong way. 

So before I moved to Nepal, there were some remnants of unforgiveness in my heart. 

I mean, I had technically forgiven those people, 

but when bitterness still seems to be throwing parties in your heart of hearts, 

there's obviously some work that still needs to be done. 

My mornings in Nepal were both early and quiet. 

In the stillness, I became vulnerable and painfully exposed to my sin. 

It was like that humiliating dream where you find yourself butt naked in a public place, 

and it's.just.all.hanging.out. 

and you're cupping your privates for dear life 

and you're like "OMG, why am I standing naked on my high school campus? How did I forget my clothes?" 

But in this situation with God, it's like his grace gives you back your clothes and your dignity. 

He just covers up your shame, and says "let's work on this together". 

Being exposed all of a sudden became the first step in dealing with my hurting heart.  

I started reading Beth Moore's "Praying God's Word" which I would absolutely recommend. 

The chapter on forgiveness changed my life. 

"Unforgivness makes us sick" she said, and yes, it had in my case. 

I started to realize the biblical narrative associated with forgiveness and unforgiveness, 

or rather "walking in the light" and "walking in the darkness". 

Nothing illuminated this more to me than the verses in 1 John 2:9-11 that say,

"Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 

Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. 

But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness;

he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him." 

The first time I stumbled upon this verse in my naked glory,

I proverbially saw the light.  

It convicted my heart that anytime I choose to hold a hurt over the perpetrators head,

I was willingly choosing to walk in the darkness. 

Because that was really my problem...

even though I had used my mouth to utter the words  "I forgive you", 

Satan loved bringing the hurt back into my mind over and over again, 

and then it was like the bitterness would surge 

and I would have not-so-very-nice-thoughts towards that person. 

But there is not room in the light to rehearse the evil and stay revengeful.

 {via}

I'm not saying you don't work through the hurt you experienced, 

but I am saying you can't continue to walk around with hate and bitterness in your heart. 

{Well...technically you can, but then you choose to walk in the darkness.}

And from my own experience, walking in the dark sucks. 

It makes you depressed, and unhappy, and crazy. 

So I had a chat with God. And I told him I wanted him to clean out my heart and mind. 

I told him that I wanted to have loving thoughts for those that hurt me,

that I wanted to shower grace, and be reminded of God's grace for me. 

And you know what? 

It was a process, but God did a miracle. 

He heard my prayers and pleas to teach me how to walk in the light,

and he put me on the right track. 

The "light" track, so to speak:) 

And that's how I feel. 

Light, and peaceful and free. 

Something that i've been coveting for years, 

but realized you cannot have when you

have unforgiveness issues. 

with forgiveness, comes peace. 

This post is personal to me, so very personal. 

It exposes my sin and hopefully helps you to get a deeper glimpse of my heart. 

But I wanted to share it today because I doubt I'm the only one that's been hurt in life, 

and I doubt i'm the only one that has had to face forgiveness in the face. 

so friend...I hope this has encouraged you in some small way! 

I would love to pray for any of you walking through a season like this! Drop me an email:) 

Happy Wednesday friends, 

love Katie 

love is deeper still.

Kevin and I leave for Asia on April 1st, and that fact alone is blowing my mind. 

It has seemed exotic, adventurous, and a tad bit romantic to think that we are moving together as a young couple to a foreign country to do something good and bold and kind.

 Together. 

But tonight.

tonight the sobering fact of evil faced us head on, and I wept. 

my soul spilled tears,

deep, 

and mostly heavy. 

the weight of something unbelievably evil. 

nefarious, in fact. 

my good friend Isaac, who works in an aftercare home for girls rescued out of sex-trafficking in Cambodia, recommended that we watch the documentary called "Nefarious" in an attempt to help prepare ourselves for the work we will be doing in Nepal. 

"prepare"might not be the most useful adjective to describe the effect this film had on me. 

maybe more liked "wrecked". 

yes, it wrecked me. 

kevin and nate and i just sat still when the movie ended. 

in the dark. as the credits rolled. 

my mind a screen, replaying the image of hell. 

but for as deeply evil as the most heinous act in the film,

what struck me raw,

to the core,

was that's Abba's LOVE was the hero. 

Corrie Ten Boom said,

"There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still.”

when all that was perverted and abused and twisted and dark transpired,

it was only,

only,

the deep agape,

the love without condition or any condemnation,

that saved these women. 

that shone LIGHT. 

every women who testified of such torture,

ended their story full of redemption in a Savior that loved them with an

overflowing, 

unconditional 

stream of agape. 

and I fell at HIS feet as

Kevin and Nate and I

all prayed,

thanking him for the bright lights of His love,

that can bring our hearts out of despair in a way that no drug or 10 step process ever could. 

the note of Christ's LOVE is where we landed. 

yes there is evil, but that is NOT the end. 

evil does not win. 

God wins.

love wins. 

I do not know how our time in Asia will go.

I am not sure exactly what we will be doing. 

I have no idea how my feeble self will withstand the tales of torture.

But one thing I know is this,

my God,

my Redeemer,

He is LOVE. 

and where there is LOVE,

there is no fear. 

so i want to be brave with my life,

and carry HIS love with me as we move and minister and live

in Asia. 

thank you all for praying and standing with us as we prepare. 

we are humbled. 

and please please please watch the film Nefarious. 

you can see the trailer here. 

{and don't say i didn't warn you. it will wreck you.}

but in bravery,

be ever wrecked for the kingdom,

swimming in His love. 

love Katie 

speak light

"words that do not give the light of christ increase the darkness" 

-mother teresa

words carry weight

that can batter and wound

and equally

refresh and encourage. 

words are not to be taken lightly,

ever. 

i sometimes forget that, and it has cost me. 

some of us have been hurt beyond measure by words. 

long ago I went through a season,

where I was repeatedly hurt by words from a friend. 

gossip, blatant put-downs, humiliation in front of others. 

in that time, my soul of freedom morphed into a sopping mess that quickly put up it's defenses. 

i went from a carefree school girl into a prison of self-consciousness. 

because these words from this friend were personal (often times personal attacks),

 i became conditioned to think that all who teased me were truly making personal attacks on my character. 

and so i began to live out of my wounds

scared that almost anything I said would be wrong, worried that I was somehow offending someone by some action, and all sorts of other small nuances.

my poor spirit analyzing every move I made in hopes that I didn't offend anyone. 

and the wounded often wound. 

for i am no better than this friend, as I too have hurt people by my unkind words.  

out of my own hurt came words that did not bring light, and did not encourage. 

often times I didn't mean for them to hurt, but i'm realizing that we must be so careful with what we utter.
will it bring life?

and in this last season, the Lord has mercifully and most poignantly

pointed out the tandem power of words and grace. 

grace for others when they have wounded us.

grace that will hopefully stop us from saying anything in our pain that would hurt the other. 

grace that allows us to forgive and step out of the festering pain of our wounds. 

and grace for ourselves when we mess up and bring darkness with our words. 

because grace covers all. 

romans 14:19 says 

"let us therefore make every effort to do what lead to peace and to mutual edification" 

words that bring darkness do not lead to peace or edification. 

ever. 

remember that. 

so may we be people who only utter the LIGHT OF CHRIST. 

may we be realists, who despite living with pain, recognize the absolute need for kindness even in truth.

because words of LIGHT bring life.
they are fountains of water to refresh,
ushering JOY anew.

so may our words be filled with peace and edification,

always. 

speak LIGHT today dearest friends, 

love katie